Family of four

This last month has been... so many things. My heart has grown once again with sweet Gracelyn Emma joining our little family. I love her so much it hurts. She is wonderful and perfect. It has also been very difficult though. Gracie girl is very different from Belle. Where Belle slept non stop and hardly ever cried, Gracelyn is colicky, and very needy. She screams whenever I am not holding or feeding her 75% of the time. It wouldn't be so bad if  she was a first child, but she's not. I still have Belle to take care of and love on. Belle has gotten very jealous and clingy since becoming a big sister. While it is helping her development it still breaks my heart. I want to be the perfect mom, giving both my girls every thing they want and need at the same time but I don't seem to be able to yet. My house is in perpetual need of a good clean, showers do not happen as often as they should and I cry way too often ( which if you know me you know it is a big deal,  I never cry.) I am a control freak and a perfectionist. I have such a hard time trying but being unable to do do everything perfect, like I see other Moms doing on facebook and pinterest like 2 days after birth. Add crazy hormones, no sleep, and a horrible post pregnancy body and you have one messed up momma. I have decided to try and workout and eat healthier. I am going off red meat and chocolate and limiting empty carbs and sugars for a month. I am hoping it will help me feel better and also help with Gracie's colic. I know it will get easier once we find a routine that works for us. I am really so grateful to be a mother to these two beautiful girls even when times are at their hardest. Sorry this has been a bit of a downer, but this is my diary and family history. I also know that there are many new mothers out there that are struggling as well. They need to know that it is OK to not be perfect, to cry when their babies are crying and they feel so alone and overwhelmed. You are not a bad mom. Being a mother is hard work. We need to uplift and help each other. I hope this blog is able to help someone. Writing it was difficult, admitting your not perfect is hard. It is the truth though. Plus through all of this I have had to turn to my Heavenly Father for help even more then usual, and that is always a humbling blessing. More pictures soon :]

First real bath